She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
