So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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