We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
