Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
