Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
