i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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