you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
