So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nobody cheats on THIS.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
