The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
