I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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