but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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