fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
