I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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