I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
