I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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