shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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