At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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