Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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