Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
