I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
