I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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