You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
