I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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