I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
