I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
