I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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