Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
