Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
