everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
