don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
