So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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