question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
