sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
