its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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