I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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