how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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