Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
