We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
