i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
