my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
