Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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