please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At least life still wants to fuck me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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