Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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