I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
