I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
