you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
