True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
lets start a swedish sibling band together
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
