I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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