He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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