Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
a search helicopter?!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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