i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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