You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
