what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
