my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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