I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cannot find my penis.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have aggressive nipples.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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