My room smells like vodka and shame
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
