Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
