I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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