couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
