I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
