I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
