I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
