I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
