Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
