it was like his penis was on wheels.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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