Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
