Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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