respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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