I hate all girls vehemently.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
