If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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