Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
