i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
