fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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